Never-ending rapes: What. Exactly. Is. Going. Wrong?

Do we, as a society, nurture the culture of shaming the woman’s body? Do we nurture the belief that women are a burden to us?

It’s been a little over a year now that the nation rode the ‘Nirbhaya’ wave. However, this is not to say that there have been crimes any lesser before that or even after. Innocent women getting raped when they go about their ‘normal’ day is horrendous enough; but what would you make of something like this? In a city like Bangalore? Where population is exploding and there are no clear ‘peak’ times – which means Bangalore is almost always busy.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6… all the way up to 65+ are the ages of girls and women getting raped in this country. This is exclusive of all the unreported incidents of incest and sexual assaults by men in the family. And oh, we aren’t even talking about eve-teasing and the ‘accidental’ jostling here and there.

What. Exactly. Is. Going. Wrong?

The ‘Nirbhaya’ incident invoked a lot of hidden anguish and anger from the masses. Social media screamed opinions and solutions. A generally well-received viewpoint was “rape is less about sexuality and more about power.” Well, it beats me how somebody can get the kick out of ‘establishing ascendance’ over a two-year-old? A 2-year-old, for God’s sake!!!

Where have we begun to lose it? I sit here, unable to sleep after reading that account, pondering over what has started the rut. And why is it spreading unfettered.

Do we, as a society, sow the seeds of entitlement in the male?

When I read stories from mythology to my children, I see some abrupt stories which typically run like this : A young couple happily married, one fine day the husband spots a beautiful damsel, starts dreaming about her, he expresses his desire to his wife, she ungrudgingly puts her husband’s happiness before her need for self-respect and prays for his happiness, happily accepts his second marriage; and all is well till he spots a third damsel….

The typical fairy tale goes like this – damsel in distress, mistreated by step-mother/aunt/witch/whoever but all her miseries melt away when she is lucky enough to be discovered by her “knight in shining armour…’’

Do we, as a society, nurture this culture of ‘blame and shame’ on the girl?

It is not uncommon for a girl to be reprimanded for being “too open,” “open” enough to allow herself to be molested by a male of the family. She has merely ‘attracted’ them, like moths to the fire. In many cases, even though it is known that a male member has molested another woman, it is dismissed as a “natural” reaction. “Nature” intended him to be like that.

Do we, as a society, nurture the culture of shaming the woman’s body?

‘Hey, you! You don’t have a perfect body anyway so just shut up and be grateful for what you get’.

Do we, as a society, nurture the belief that women are a burden to us?

It is no mean fact that the female infanticide phenomenon is a separate research topic by itself from the psychological, social, economic, public policy perspectives…

Do we, as a society encourage commodification of girls and women by silently and implicitly agreeing to insane amounts of dowry?

Do we, as a society stand mute spectators to child and women trafficking only because it brings a tinkle into the pockets of a few?

Do we, as a society tolerate domestic violence because it is not ‘appropriate’ for a woman to voice her thoughts?

Do we, as a society stand morally upright but make our movies multi-crore hits based on one ‘item’ song?

Let me make it clear that I DO NOT take a feminist stance in any of my ranting. I am happy being a woman, happy being only the secondary bread-winner for my family and do not regret having to compromise on my career goals for the bigger responsibility and joy that are my children. I believe that just like their bodies are different, men and women have brains wired differently, leading to different goals and sources of satisfaction for them.

I also believe in segregation of duties for any establishment to run. It is no different for a home. Hence, I do not totally endorse the “equality for women” slogan where women have to assert their equal status only through aggressive career paths or late night pubbing. I believe that real equality for women is when she is comfortable in her own skin, when she is not being constantly compared to her male counterpart, when she is respected for the value she brings- within or outside her home, when she is not left feeling powerless because she has not ‘serviced’ somebody…

My ranting come from a position of utter dismay and disappointment. My heart bleeds for the child in this incident, but my eyes only shed copious tears. Where have we gone wrong? And how do we fix it? And why are our children paying the price?

Where, oh, where, do we begin?

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  1. Natarajan Iyer says:

    There are two worlds here within India. The writer has to understand. The world before the Open Economy ( Pre 1989 ) and the world after the Open Economy ( Post 1989 ). As the mind struggles to juggle between the worlds that one saw and grew up in and the world today, the mind that has lost all ancient methods of mind-discipline, to lethargy, ignorance and arrogance, IS EASILY AROUSED by the NAKED CINE-ACTRESSES AND THE CURVES AND CURLS they flaunt. Now, such a mind, when it gets on to main-stream society, gets to see the women dressed in different patterns. But against each woman the mind encounters, it MAPS that CINE ACTRESS AND THE CURLS AND CURVES and PUSHES ITSELF INTO A LOOP OF THOUGHTS THAT ARE SEXUAL IN NATURE. what happens next, is known story. That story is what you have written in your own style.

    But yes, Nett-Nett, you are right in highlighting the issues faced by women.


  2. OSP says:

    Well said Mr. Natarajan !
    But, which Psychiatrist will treat this Perverts of Porn & Nudity..??
    Who will sensitize gender discrimination at Home and Society..??
    Who will address the growing insecurity with men & woman …
    esp. post 1989 as you put it..??
    Certainly woman & men are made different by God ( as author puts it ) for Divine purpose of Living together and Enjoy Life Realities and not make Life a HELL with misconception / Perversion / Greed / Jealousy etc., Life is too short to Open these doors to hell & experiment..
    Let us create more awareness in society with these blogs and spreading positive, right percepts with whom all we come across….

  3. Sushmita says:

    Just a remark Mr Natrajan Its inside and not outside . Don’t blame CINE-ACTRESSES. The difference between Man and animals is the basic control and understanding. If you can’t control yourself after seeing cine actresses you are no better then the dogs in our locality. Its this kind of behaviour which encourages your next generation to consider women as commodity. Illnesses don’t come overnight….Its been bred into indian man’s brain over several generation by people like you. And don’t forget Khajuraho and other temples. Would you put a ban on visiting them? A healthy and satisfied mind is least bothered by such so called temptations. STOP BLAMING Do something.

  4. Natarajan Iyer says:

    This Khajuraho stuff is used too frequently similar to using sugar for coffee/ tea/ beverages.
    The Nudity shown on temple towers is a SUBTLE REMINDER to DROP NOTIONS OF THE PHYSICAL BODY and DIRECT THE MIND from the physical body TOWARDS THE INNER SOUL. The Main / Chief Deity inside the sanctum sanctorum is the DIRECT VISION of the DIVINITY WITHIN. The Mind which keeps bothering about the body, hunger, sexual urge,…etc etc is STOPPED from doing so, by those depictions outside similar to the hoarding which says ” LEAVE YOUR FOOTWEAR HERE “….So too, these nude images on the tower say ” HELLO, LEAVE YOUR BODY-NOTION HERE ” …but the cine actresses ( referred to as WORMS OF SOCIETY’s GUTTER by most of the people within SANE SOCIETY ), THOSE CINE ACTRESSES SEEM TO SAY ” HELLO, DO NOT STOP. ALL FOR YOU. LOOK AT MY NOODLE STRAP, LOOK ABOVE, LOOK BELOW. BUT WHERE EVER YOU SEE, I FEED YOUR SENSES AND SENSUALLY. COME, COME WITH NO HOLDS BARRED “…. Khajuraho does not tell you TO DROP YOUR CLOTHES….cine actresses DROP THEIR CLOTHES TO FORCE YOU TO THINK ON THE BODY BEAUTY …. So, enough of these worms who continue to rape society’s MORAL CONSCIENCE

  5. Natarajan Iyer says:

    *** NETT-NETT, BE PRACTICAL….there is no way you are going to prevent sexual perversion in society. if one subsides, another picks it up. But WITHIN FAMILY, THE BOYS AND GIRLS CAN BE TRAINED PROPERLY ON GENDER SENSITIVITY AND THE NEED TO FIRST DEMONSTRATE NEUTRAL RESPECT – Neutral Respect refers to the respect that you give to a person, FOR HIS/ HER EXISTENCE as a part of GOD’S CREATION…irrespective of his/her looks and/or dress,…etc….further to that, whether lust springs or love blossoms or nothing happens, that is GENETIC and no raving/ranting can plug that.

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