How to solve a problem in Bengaluru

A satiric note about solving Bengaluru's problems that also highlights the causes of problems remaining as they are for ages.

Bangalore has a lot of problems. Here is a  guide to solve Bangalore’s problem in 20 short steps.

  1. Cut some trees.

  2. Form a committee with a catchy name – B-SOMETHING.

  3. Involve famous citizens – KMS, NM, NN etc.

  4. Don’t analyse the problem. Analysis is for losers.

  5. Cut some more trees.

  6. Come up with an absurd suggestion which will cost several thousand crores.

  7. Cut some more trees.

  8. Lament the loss of green cover in Bangalore.

  9. Assure everyone that for every tree you cut, you will plant 10 more.

  10. Hand out lucrative contracts to your friends for planting `saplings’.

  11. Start your absurd project.

  12. Make absolutely no alternative arrangements.

  13. Ensure that the situation gets very bad—and since no proper alternatives have been made—the ad hoc alternatives that arise will lead to new problems that have to be `fixed’.

  14. Take several years.

  15. Cut some more trees.

  16. Eventually do an ugly, shoddy job which needs constant attention.

  17. Blame all problems in Bangalore on ‘Naarth Indians’ or ‘IT peeples’.

  18. Ensure that when the job is finally finished people will be so relieved that the inconvenience is over, that they don’t realise that the problem has not been solved. If earlier there was a delay of three minutes, now there is five; but five is better than the 20 that it took during the interim four years…

  19. Cut some more trees for good measure.

  20. Dont worry, people will ‘adjusht’.

If all else fails, rename the city to Bengaluru. All of Bangalore’s problems have ceased to exist!

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