I have this thing for pavements. Actually, I have a thing for many things, but the current thing is pavements.
Let me tell you, this was not something I took to in a rush. It took many months for me to get warmed up. You see, I walk back and forth between my home and my office. Walking on Indian roads needs complete alertness, and in that hyper-attentive state, I started noticing things. Don’t ask me why, but I latched on to pavements and before long, I was quite an expert on the matter.
I don’t do things by half measures. I observe, I learn and then I test myself. Testing yourself is tricky! You can’t go around asking people to ask you questions about pavements, can you? So I developed a quiz for myself. I know this does sound a little strange. Let me even accept that it sounds like I have a weakness in the uppers. But cut me a bit of slack, read on and THEN tell me if I sound demented.
The quiz goes like this. It’s a little like twenty questions. You can answer only with a Yes or a No. The questions are simple and need very little cogitation, which was a good thing as far as my brain was concerned. And since I was asking the questions and answering them too, it went quite rapidly. Before I knew it, I was done. Never attended a quiz this easy in my life!
So here goes:
Are pavements meant for parking?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for electric transformers?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for cows to rest on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for plonking down huge billboards featuring the local politician and his cronies?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for planting trees on?
Sometimes yes. (I got disqualified for this answer.)
Are pavements meant for dumping garbage on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for encroaching and extending the shop where you sell plastic mugs, buckets, boxes, etc. etc?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for spitting on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant to be used as an extension to your private garden?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for repairing autorickshaws on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for using as temporary (which could eventually become more and more permanent) storage spaces?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for dogs to do their stuff/business/thingamijig on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for the KEB to dump branches on after lopping them, and then leaving them for an indefinite period to rot?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for driving on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant to be used as toilets?
Well, mostly the walls. (I got a kick for this too – remember the Yes/No rule?)
Are pavements meant for sleeping on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for selling vegetables/fruits/bhelpuri/undergarments on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for dumping construction material on?
Yes.
Are pavements meant for perambulation?
No.
Are pavements meant for walking on?
No! (I sneakily asked myself the same question twice to see if the answer varied, but I found I was clever enough to understand that perambulation and walking meant the same thing)
God! Was that an easy quiz or what??!
So, go ahead, you take it now and check your scores.