Wounds of cyber abuse can be deep, get expert help: Cyber psychologist

Cyber psychologist Nirali Bhatia says that parents, friends and relatives of sufferers must not be reactive; they should be good listeners.

As technology has advanced, cyber abuse and crime has also increased. Women and children are particularly vulnerable, as we have seen in our earlier reports on deepfake videos and image-based abuse.

In an interview with Citizen Matters, cyber psychologist, Nirali Bhatia, talks about the psychological impact on people who have been deceived on the internet and the support system they need.

Excerpts from the conversation:

What should a person do, if and when they have fallen prey to a deep fake scam or image abuse?

We need to understand and tell ourselves it is fake; that itself should help us build that confidence that it is not ‘you’.

Secondly, do not panic. The perpetrator is trying to induce fear, which is their primary objective. Do not let them know that you are scared. Speak to someone to understand what can be done to address it using technology, because it is the same technology that we can use to report the fake visuals. Lastly, please don’t delete anything out of fear or panic. Do not remove your accounts, preserve your device because in the digital world, it is your biggest evidence.

Statistics show that 50% of abusers are people known to the person and 50% are cyber criminals. I repeat, it’s not your fault. Make sure that your accounts are private, inform people, put up your stories that your photographs have been violated. Rather than panicking and feeling shame, empower yourself to turn the situation around and become a warrior.

Statistics show that one out of seven teenagers have shared their personal images knowingly or unknowingly. So this can happen to anyone. Do not confront or argue with the perpetrator because they will play on your panic, they will create fear in you and then you will end up making a mistake. Manipulated images are often used for extracting money or sexual favours.

Stay strong, reach out to the right resources for guidance and help, and see how you can technically and legally safeguard yourself.

Nirali Bhatia
Nirali Bhatia. Pic: Nirali Bhatia/X

In your observations, what are the direct and indirect psychological effects when one is subjected to something like this?

The  wounds of a cybercrime are not visible. The impact on a person is very serious. However, the degree of impact will vary from person to person. Some people are sensitive and some are courageous. Some have a good support system to manage the situation. But often what we see is that it starts with fear and if this is not addressed, and not spoken about, then it can lead to feelings of paranoia.

I have got many clients who reached that stage because there’s a lot of guilt and shame associated with the cases where people have shared their pictures in good faith with someone they trust, and then, that has been used against them. The abused go through a lot of guilt and fear, and are unable to speak about it to anybody at that time. But if this is not addressed at the earliest, it will keep growing and it could lead to paranoia.

I have got clients who always feel that somebody is viewing their pictures, or somebody is always checking on them or stalking them. Even one experience can lead to a prolonged state of insecurity, and one is always anxious about how their photos are being used. This can lead to clinical conditions of anxiety and depression.  

Why do you think such crimes have multiplied over time and to this extent? Is there also a psycho-social angle behind the proliferation of cyber crime? 

Sigmund Freud researched dark psychology. We all have this innate nature, but because of society’s boundaries, people do not express it. With the rise of the internet, which allows anonymity, there is access across the globe, across our society. There are a lot of opportunities where people have started talking about these things, experiencing and indulging in it.

We are seeing these tendencies even in children. Children are more experienced here. They understand and use technology way more, but they lack the wisdom and foresight  about the consequences. So, they end up experimenting with things which are new and trending. And hence a lot of children actually come in conflict with the law. Unfortunately, there are several instances where they (children) are not just victims, but also end up becoming perpetrators themselves without knowing where to draw that line.

Since the online world has no  boundaries, it is providing people a kind of freedom where they do not need to exercise social or moral responsibility, because there is nobody to check their behaviour. The internet allows people to fulfil their innate desires and explore their dark side. It has made voyeurism very easy. 

Secondly, humans are curious by nature, we want to know what’s happening. Social media has actually played upon that and the term FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is created out of that.  There is no fear of judgement online, there is no code of conduct. This gives people the liberty to explore and to figure out things. And hence, the boundaries are becoming very, very blurred.  


Read more: Image-based abuse: When your photos and videos become tools of exploitation



Often perpetrators think that they will get away, they are overconfident. But perpetrators should also know that they cannot always hide and not be tracked. Don’t you think that is inevitable because they leave a digital footprint as well?

While anonymity on the internet appears to be foolproof. It is not; but the perpetrator can be booked only when somebody files a complaint. Yes, the procedure could be a little long to identify the perpetrator, but it is not as if the criminal is forever safe behind the curtain of anonymity.

I run an anti cyberbullying organisation called Cyber B.A.A.P, which stands for cyber ‘bullying, awareness, action and prevention’. We have a facility where the victims of cyber bullying report to us and we guide and counsel them as well as help them with investigations, filing a police case, et cetera.

We have got so many cases where we have achieved success. In those cases, perpetrators were anonymous. It only takes one case against the person. A lot of young people tell us I am using VPN, how will somebody track me? But they can be tracked regardless of that. It’s the same technology which can take away the guard of anonymity. So never take it for granted. 

As a friend or relative, how should one react when one hears of or meets a person who has just been victimised? What are the dos and don’ts?

Firstly, be a good listener. Secondly, this could happen to anyone, so don’t jump to conclusions that the person has done something wrong. The person’s fear/anxiety can be better managed better if they have somebody who believes in them. Help them to reach out to professionals.

Thirdly, know that in the cyber world, your privacy is your power. So encourage that person to not be scared of going back to those particular apps/platforms where this has happened; rather, encourage them to go back, but make sure that their settings are private, and they have educated themselves (about safe practices).

Like I said, the wounds of online harassment, whether it is image-based abuse/ deepfake / bullying or trolling, are deep psychological wounds; they are not going to heal on their own. They will need a band-aid, which could come in the form of counselling. If you have a physical wound, you have the world sympathising with you, you’re not struggling alone. But if it’s not visible on your face, it’s very difficult for people to know what you’re going through. So many times, we see that victims themselves don’t realise they have been victimised. 

There are a lot of cases where children are victimised, or they end up making a mistake. Now, the beauty in children is that they don’t shy away from seeking help. However, many children who write to us say they don’t want their parents to know as they feel that their parents may not understand or they will take away their mobile phones. Parents are the first line of support for children, so parents should not be reactive.

In earlier times, when children used to go out alone cycling on the main road for the first few times, parents used to be scared, and they would teach them, they would educate them about how to ride safely, right? We need to do the same thing for our children in the digital world. It is time to upgrade our parenting skills to ‘digital parenting’, learn about it. You don’t have to be technologically savvy to know and understand all of it. You only need to be an understanding parent.


Read more: Keeping your child safe in the age of the Internet


Don’t be reactive, be a good listener. Understand what happened, why it happened, and how the child is feeling. Focus on the feeling, because these wounds are not visible. The moment you make a child feel comfortable, you have taken away so much of the problem, so much of the healing has already happened, and then reach out to a technical expert.

There is a national cybercrime helpline: 1930, and a national cybercrime portal, cybercrime.gov.in.  There is a provision to report anonymously. My organisation has a mobile app that helps in raising awareness.  

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